Duo and Quatre: The Vampire Slayers
by Vlad K. and Keiko
Summary: Wufei and Relena are vampires, and it's up to Duo and Quatre(and a VERY reluctant Heero) to stop them


Duo And Quatre: The Vampire Slayers: By Vlad-chan &Keiko(Goddess of death)

KONNICHI-WA NO MINNA-SAN!!!!!!!! WE'RE BBBAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! Okay one, no 2 spoilers, Relena and Wufei will die. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keiko: Well nowww... Wufei, how do you feel?

Wufei: SHIMATTA!!!! KISAMA!!!!!!!! BAKA FIC WRITERS!!!!! I WILL KICK your...

(Looks down gundanium swords and staff of jigoku)

Vlad-chan: Kick our what? Come on, Wuffie, saaaaaaay it! I dare ja! :]

Wufei: (Whimper). Bakas!

Vlad-chan: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHANG! BAKAYARO! MOCCHAE! 

EAT BURNING SWORDS BLAZING, FURIOUS, RAGING, PAINFUL, STINGING, LASTING, HORRENDOUS, 

ITCHING(guh?), DEATH BY MY AND KEIKO'S HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wufei: 0.0;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

KISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

SHIMATTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE HONOUR OF NATAKU, I WILL DESTROY YOU WITH MY 

KATANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMAE O KOROS....

Heero:( appears out of no where with a gun pointing at Wufei's head, clad with the Heero Yuy 

death glare.) I beg your pardon?

Wufei: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Omae o korosai?????

Heero: Omae o korosu, baka Chang!

(Just as he is about to pull the trigger,...)

Vlad-chan: Now isn't the time to kill Wufei, but if you'd like, maybe later! ^_^

Heero: Mission accepted. ^_^

Reader: 0.0;;;;;????????;;;;;;;;;;??????????

(Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Keiko start yelling saying THEY want to send Wufei to jigoku)

Keiko: WWWAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know how to reincarnate people, so we all can 

destroy him sooner or later. ^_^

Duo& Quatre: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!! ^_^ ^_^

Trowa: 

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

YYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

Reader(okay, okay everone): ????????????????????????????????????????

Trowa:(he actually blushes after he yells) Heh, heh, sorry.(says that with no emotion 

whatsoever, so Keiko whacks him over the head and starts giving emotion lessons to Heero 

and Trowa. And they can't do a thing with her staff of jigoku ready to spray them with hot 

molten lava whenever she wants)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(It was an abnormal day at Quatre's mansion...)

(Quatre and Duo decided to visit Wufei's Nataku shrine a.k.a. his room...)

Quatre: (Sees all the Shinigami [not to do with Duo] worshiping stuff) Whoah, I always knew he 

was a blood-sucking nightcrawler that worships the dead and stalks the night!

Duo: I am beginning to see Wufei differently. HE LIKES SHINIGAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUDDENLY HE'S 

A NEW, COOL PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Wufei appears, in a vampire suit.)

Wufei (with Romanian accent): What is all this noise?

(Sees Duo and Quatre, while Duo and Quatre see the coffin behind Wufei! 0.0;)

Wufei (Returns to "normal"): MAXWELL, WINNER, 

KISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIMATTA! THE INSOLENCE! INJUSTICE! CAN A MAN NOT 

HAVE PRIVACY??????????? ON BEHALF OF NATAKU, BE GONE, OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MY 

KATANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duo & Quatre: 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Run out of room.)

Vampire Wufei: Good, they have gone. Now, to stalk unsuspecting victims. 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*cough, cough, gasp, wheeze, choke, 

hiccup*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Downstairs...)

Duo & Quatre: 

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WUFEI'S 

A VAMPIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heero: You've been watching "Dracula", haven't you?

Quatre: No, that's too scary! But, we have this photographic evidence.

(Shows Heero a picture of Treize playing a Sailor Moon video game.)

Quatre: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Wroooooooooooooong picture! ^_^; Here!

Heero: Whoah, I guess you're right. I'll go get some weapons. )

Duo: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*breath* 

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(In Heero's weapons cache a.k.a. the basement of DOOM!)

Heero: Bazooka, check, flamethrower, check, beam cannon, check...

Quatre: We need a plan of action.

Duo: Action????? Look at Heero!

Heero: Beam sabre, check, missiles, check, laser bombs, check, dagger, check...

Quatre: I mean a way to USE Heero's *echoed, ominous voice* EXTENSIVE, TERRIFYING ARRAY OF WEAPONS!( ETAW)

Duo: I watch Dracula movies all the time, so I know what all his weaknesses are!^_^

Quatre: What do you think Heero?

Heero: Three words, wooden stake, check...

Quatre: Thats a good idea. Even though we shouldn't be fighting, I don't want to become a 

vampire.

Duo: Why don't we sneak into his room in the morning and let the sun fry his little tiny 

insignificant brain?

Quatre: No, that would make him suffer. Any other ideas Heero?

Heero: (Evil grin) I agree with the braided baka.

Quatre: Heero!!!!!! That's cruel!!!!!

(While Quatre rants on about how they should make this as painless as possible Heero and Duo 

converse in the corner)

Heero: Why don't we bring in our friend Insane Quatre?

Duo: How about...

(After Quatre stops talking)

Heero: Quatre, while you were talking, Wufei came and stole your Camel Plushie.

(Quatre starts to laugh insanely)

Quatre: He'll never forget this day!!!!! Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Quatre whips out hand-held sickels.)

Quatre: WUFEI MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

@_@

Heero: Let's go. )

(They burst into Wufei's room, just as Relena, in a vampire suit comes into the 3rd 

dimension.)

Heero: 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMAE O KOROSU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Starts firing all his weapons, but they do no damage.)

Heero: Duo, I'm scared.

Quatre: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PREPARE TO 

DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Slashes away at her with his sickels.)

Relena: You can't destroy me this way. But, I will be glad to make you all vampires. Especially 

Hee-chan!

Heero: (pales) Get me out of here!

(Runs away, at Mach 3.)

Duo: Well, Quatre, looks like we're Vampire Slayers!

Quatre: Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Wufei appears.)

Wufei: Well, it appears a confrontation is in order.

(Duo and Quatre whip out their wooden stakes.)

Wufei: Uh-oh! (Wets his pants.)

Quatre: Kill time!!! 

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

heheheheh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duo: Take a breath, Q-man!

Relena: Uh-oh.

(Duo and Quatre go into a corner to plan how they'll destroy Relena.)

Duo: How about we tie her to a chair and make her watch Star Wars films?

Quatre: How about this?

(Walks up to Relena.)

Quatre: Hey, Relena! There's Heero!

Relena: Really? Where?

(Averts her eyes, and Quatre drives a wooden stake into her pacifist corpse.)

Duo: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE KILLED 

RELENA!!!!!!!!!

Quatre: 

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

heheheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duo: Okay, we killed Relena! Now, how are we going to kill Wufei, Quatre?

Quatre: 

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Duo: Oooooooookaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, Heero's weapon test should be soon. If I just wait, 

maybe...

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!)

Duo: Know what that was, Wuffie?

Wufei: Kisama! Don't call me that! And, what?

Duo: Heero...destroying Altron! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wufei: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????? 

NATAKU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Duo kills Wufei when he isn't looking.)

Duo: Oh, by the way, that explosion was Heero's weapon test, not Altron gettin' trashed!

Wufei (while disappearing...): Ki...sam...a ba...ka Max...well... (disappears.)

Duo: We did it, Quatre!

Quatre: 

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheeheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh

ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Quatre passes out from lack of oxygen)

(Trowa enters room)

Trowa: I've been trying to read some Latin litterature for the past couple hours. But I've been 

hearing this constant noise up here, and what was that loud thump a couple of seconds ago?

Duo: Quatre passed out from giggling to much, and Wufei and Relena were vampires, so we 

killed them.

Trowa: ...........'kay. (Walks out)

OWARI 

Vlad-chan: That was so much fun!

Keiko: One more thing! (Brings Wufei back to life.)

Wufei: I have a very bad feeling about this.

Keiko: Get him, boys!

(The G-boys start killing Wufei, and he keeps getting reincarnated. Vlad-chan dices Wufei.)

Keiko: Now... Quatre!!!!!!!!

Quatre: Yes?

Keiko: You are to take my Ti-chan for a walk and feed her.

Ti-chan: MMRROOWWRR!!!!! (Translation: Hey Suicide Boy, you're closest to me. Feed Me!)

(Slashes Heero's leg)

Heero: OMAE O KOROSU BAKA CAT!!!!!!!!!

Ti-chan: MROW!!!! HHHHIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! ( Translation: Baka! You wanna piece of 

me?!?!?)

(Starts beating the jigoku out of Heero)

Keiko: That's right, my pet. Kill him, and he shall feed you with his flesh!!!!!! 

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Passes out)

Heero (extremly beaten up): HELP!!!!!!!!


End file.
